(Unconditional) love

(Unconditional) love

When we are children, we receive love when we do something ‘right’ – when we clean our bedroom, when we share with our siblings, when we use our manners.

Fast-forward 20 years into adulthood, how does this lesson in love translate? At what point are we taught what unconditional love is?

For me, that point was thirty three; a period of complete upheaval, where I threw everything in the air and pressed ‘pause’.

And when I pressed ‘play’, I began catching the things I wanted, and let the rest fall away.

The first thing I caught was me. 

I realized that if I couldn’t love and accept myself, how could I possibly expect anyone else to? 

If I couldn’t stand for myself, and my values, how could I stand for anything, or anyone, else? 

And the first thing I let fall away, was fear. 

I realized that I was sick of hiding parts of me that I thought people wouldn’t like, or couldn’t handle. 

It made me question who it was that people say they love when they say they love me. They didn’t even know me. I didn’t know me. 

Unconditional love takes courage. It starts within, and it’s not an easy path. But it is a rewarding adventure, especially when you see that people love the parts of you that you were fearful of them ever seeing. 

Carrie Fisher: My solution to being overwhelmed

Carrie Fisher: My solution to being overwhelmed

When I’m feeling overwhelmed by choice, paralyzed by indecision, or helpless in the face of a problem bigger than I can comprehend*, I go into Readings.

For the uninitiated, Readings is a Melbourne bookstore, in business since 1969.

It has a comprehensive catalogue, which covers every genre, and an ambience which lends to complete immersion; where time seems to tick (or not) like a Dalí clock would (or would not).

Here, within the walls of this iconic bookstore, I wander the aisles, inhale the paper dust, and stare through the spines of old and new titles.

And at some point, and without fail, one of these titles will pop out at me – an answer to my being overwhelmed by them all.

Tonight’s answer was Carrie Fisher’s novel, Postcards from the Edge

These random (or not) book purchases offer me a type of proof: that in amongst all my feelings of being overwhelmed by the problems I see, answers are there, popping out at people all the time. As are mine.

So when I walk out the door, with Carrie in my bag, I head to the tram hopeful. Hopeful that others will buy a book too, and that the selection they make is a catalyst for an answer they need to solve part of a bigger problem they see.

And if everyone buys a book and gets their answers this may compound into knowledge that will nourish the collective consciousness beyond the spines of books.

 

*I just watched the film A Plastic Ocean. The enormity of the problem of plastic pollution in our oceans, and the rate at which it’s growing, really hit me hard. It can’t be unseen, and it can’t be ignored. 

Bingeing on Girls

Bingeing on Girls

I have almost finished watching Season 2 of Girls*.

On my iPhone. In my bed. With my headphones in.

So no, not that kind of bingeing. And not on real-life girls (though I think my mother believes otherwise given I’ve recently cut my hair short**, moved back in with my parents, and headed off to Midsumma last month).

My iPhone screen is shattered from an accident last weekend, and whilst this makes viewing slightly obstructed, the few bits of glass that chip off into in my bed and onto my hands are a cheaper price to pay than getting the screen replaced***.

There’s something going on with my speaker jack too. Every so often the sound crackles. It cuts in, and it cuts out. I have to twist the plug, and then pull on the cord, contort it in circles, until finally the sound returns to normal.

And when the sound does come back, it blasts into my ears because as I’ve been playing this battle-of-the-wills game with the cord, I’ve also been turning up the volume thinking that somehow this would help, despite knowing full well that the real issue is with the connection.

But I know what’s going on in Season 2 of Girls. I know who the main characters are. And I know what they’re getting up to. And I even have a favourite.

 

*Lena, if you’re reading, I’d love to collaborate. You’re a total genius, and I love you. And I have some material that I think you’d find useful

**My hairdresser blames himself entirely for the shift my life has taken since turning thirty three, as it all started when he cut my 30cm curls off.

***Apple, if you’re reading this, a replacement phone would be oh-so amazing, as would a one-on-one intensive on how the hell to use iTunes. In 7 years I haven’t been able to work this program out. And, if you’re feeling generous, the logicboard on my MacBook is dead and needs replacing…xo