6:35am I wake up.

9:30am Mum and dad leave the house to go about their morning activities.

9:32am I emerge from my room to go about my morning activities, starting with opening the doors to the veranda to let the warm sunny day in, making sure of course, to leave the fly screen doors closed.

My morning activities included completing two loads of washing, cleaning my room, chatting with one of my sisters on the phone about my weekend plans, and making a batch of my signature vegan Bolognese sauce (containing my secret ingredient, Shiraz – recipe to follow in a later post).

Mid-morning I got hungry and found two gourmet chocolates in the fridge. I ate one, bit into the second but it was full of that weird liqueur filling, so I put it back in the cellophane bag and returned it to the fridge.

12:30pm Domestic activities complete, I grab dad’s car keys and head to the pool for my weekend swim.

Dad’s great, on numerous occasions he’s told me I can borrow his car whenever I need it.

1:30pm Return to the car and open the glovebox to retrieve my phone. I’m confronted with 19 missed calls, 6 Voicemail messages, a few Messenger messages and a Messenger voice calls. Interesting. I open the call log. Mum, mum, mum, mum, mum, dad, dad, mum etc. Hm.

I call mum back:

Me: Hi mum, what’s going on?

Mum (panicked): Where have you been?!

Me: I’ve been at the pool.

Mum (still panicked): Well you could have left a note!! Your father* and I have been worried sick about you, we thought you’d been abducted!!

Me (bemused): Abducted?! What they heck made you think I’d been abducted?!

Mum (still panicked and now annoyed at my bemusement as well): Well we got home from the shops and the doors were wide open, there was half a bottle of wine on the bench**, a chocolate missing from the fridge, and half a one left in there, and your father’s car was missing!

Me (still bemused, stifling laugher): The flyscreen doors were shut, I opened the bottle of Shiraz to put some in my Bolognese sauce, I didn’t like the liqueur in the chocolate, and dad said I could borrow his car whenever I wanted…

Mum (increased annoyance at my bemusement): We called the police.

Me (bemusement replaced by shock): You did not. You did not call the police!

Mum: We also called the Fountain Gate Shopping Centre and got security to put an announcement over the PA for you!

Me (now laughing openly): This is not happening.

Mum: Your sister said you told her you were going there this afternoon, so we rang them up.

Me: This is seriously not happening.

Mum: Well I’m glad you’re finding this so funny.

Me: I’ll be home soon. Hangs up.

 

Yes, all this actually happened.

 

*When mum asked dad if all these actions sounded like something I would do, he apparently shrugged his shoulders and said, ‘yeah, that sounds like something she’d do’.

**there was half a cup, max, missing from the bottle of Shiraz, which consequently, dad and I finished off on Sunday night. It was a good drop.

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